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He’s a far-fetched thought right now.
Don’t let him affect the you today as much as he is currently doing now.
You still control your thoughts especially your emotions where you are most vulnerable to him.
So control it with the best you can…until nothing is yet set. Nothing is yet fine.
Focus on your studies first. You still have things to accomplished. You still have goals to accomplished.
Let him be just thoughts, words in the virtual world.
Let just his words serve as your inspiration and motivation in whatever you are doing.
Let him be part of it. Part of your thoughts but not much of your thoughts for it will cause your destruction. As you know, he can be a great distraction to your studies. Not yet. Not yet. Learn to restrain yourself.
If the right time comes, you can let go of that strain and really taste and feel the feeling. Savor it. Do whatever you want.
I know right now, you are thinking of the things you want to have and achieve for yourself. Being with him would not allow you to accomplish those. And you know that you are not yet ready to give yourself to him because you know you are not that whole.
So first, make yourself almost whole. Let yourself experienced more about life so that you can share much of yourself to him. As you know, he would like it much better.
You are still unripe. You know that. But you are…only in slow and appropriate process. Don’t rush your process for him. Serve the Lord. Search and have and intimate relationship with him. He knows best. He knows you better than anyone else. He knows when is the right time. Trust in it. Look forward to it. It will be the best thing that could ever happen to your life.
You have shed a lot of tears already but it’s part of your growth. Embrace it. Learn from it. You can be more because of it. I know you feel that what you are writing is his words but remember, it is still yours. You know it before. He just made it clear. He just made it visible. He made you realize those things. And for that I know you are very much thankful to him.