A Letter to Myself When I Know It’s Time to Move On


Moving on.jpg

Photo from cyclistchic.com

He’s a far-fetched thought right now.
Don’t let him affect the you today as much as he is currently doing now.
You still control your thoughts especially your emotions where you are most vulnerable to him.
So control it with the best you can…until nothing is yet set. Nothing is yet fine.
Focus on your studies first. You still have things to accomplished. You still have goals to accomplished.
Let him  be just thoughts, words in the virtual world.
Let just his words serve as your inspiration and motivation in whatever you are doing.

Let him be part of it. Part of your thoughts but not much of your thoughts for it will cause your destruction. As you know, he can be a great distraction to your studies. Not yet. Not yet. Learn to restrain yourself.

If the right time comes, you can let go of that strain and really taste and feel the feeling. Savor it. Do whatever you want.

I know right now, you are thinking of the things you want to have and achieve for yourself. Being with him would not allow you to accomplish those. And you know that you are not yet ready to give yourself to him because you know you are not that whole.

So first, make yourself almost whole. Let yourself experienced more about life so that you can share much of yourself to him. As you know, he would like it much better.

You are still unripe. You know that. But you are…only in slow and appropriate process. Don’t rush your process for him. Serve the Lord. Search and have and intimate relationship with him. He knows best. He knows you better than anyone else. He knows when is the right time. Trust in it. Look forward to it. It will be the best thing that could ever happen to your life.

You have shed a lot of tears already but it’s part of your growth. Embrace it. Learn from it. You can be more because of it. I know you feel that what you are writing is his words but remember, it is still yours. You know it before. He just made it clear. He just made it visible. He made you realize those things. And for that I know you are very much thankful to him.




The Time you said, “Halt!”



It has been too long since I was able to write this blog entry. As those were the months that the Lord was working on my life. He is teaching me a wonderful lesson about love and maturity. Trust me when I say, it was very challenging. But nonetheless, it was worth the journey.

Firstly, let us discuss about how the Lord taught me where I am in the aspect of love.

I know for a fact that I am mature enough in my decision especially in terms of knowing what is good and what is bad in terms of love. Also, I have set my priorities first that I faithfully abide. To cite some I have planned to graduate on time and to find a decent job. Two of which I have accomplished so far.

However, the Lord tested me with the firmness of decision. As what he has said in His word in Jeremiah 17:10:

“I the LORD search the heart, I test the mind, even to give every man according to his ways, and according to the fruit of his doings.”

The Lord exactly tested my will through laying down on my path a guy who’s almost my ideal guy. He is very intellectual, aggressive, creative, insightful, logical, rational, principled, dominant, poetic, and many more that made me like him in a special way I haven’t felt with anyone. There seems to be that chemistry between us that the two of us felt back then. It was a very wonderful feeling.

Nevertheless, this made me STOP, THINK, and PRAY HARD to the Lord. I know that the Lord allowed me to met this guy for a reason and I prayed that the Lord allowed me to learn from this experience the things He wanted me to learn. Now I am sharing it with you.

  1. PRAY. I pray as well for the Lord’s wisdom in dealing with that events in my life together with him.
  2. READ THE BIBLE.  I know back then that I would make mistakes along the way, that’s why in advance, I sought for the Lord’s words more than ever.
  3. SOAK. Having a quiet time allowed me to reflect on the actions that I have done and the words that I have said.
  4. ASK COUNSEL. Asking counsel was one of the handy means whenever someone in similar situation as mine especially from those people who have experienced it already. You know you can trust their words because they’ve been there and they would never wanted you to suffer the same ordeal as they did. They served as counselors for you to make a wise and effective decisions in your life.
  5. LISTEN. It always pays to listen because it will prevent you from putting yourself deeper into the mud and it prevents you from getting hurt due to immature decisions.
  6. SURRENDER. I pray to the Lord to use me as an instrument of His workings for our lives. I sought for His guidance every time and willingly surrendered him, myself, and the time we have with each other. My journey was NEVER ALONE.
  7. ACCEPT. During that time, I have accepted my situation and only asked for the Lord’s deliverance. For I strongly believe in the Lord’s power over everything in the world especially in times of difficulty. One great story is in the book of Daniel.

For those months that I have been I could only ask:

“Search me, O God, and know my heart; Try me and know my anxious thoughts.” (Psalm 139:23)

Of course, I am also afraid but faith overcomes my fear. Every time I am afraid, I just remember how the Lord calms the turbulent sea. I always hold onto His promises. His words are ever binding.

My Raison D’être


Today I was so preoccupied with the tons of things that I needed to do. I didn’t even know where I should start. I thought I need to have some break, to loosen my mood a bit, to just relax, before I went back to my academic works. That is why, I decided to browse in my wordpress account and found Raison D’être.

This made me remember one of my professors in college as  he happened to tell us about this word when we were discussing one of our topics in DEVC 180. It is a beautiful word meaning “the reason for my existence.” This memory made me click onto the link and read through.

The article was short but very meaningful. I somehow find relevance to the example given and made me think:

Indeed, what is my Raison D’être?

So, this is a blog in response to the challenge posed to us, its readers. It is a challenge that I would like to respond as it is something that is timely for me and a chance to let other people know my share of story.

What is my reason for existence?

It is a question that would be hard to answer when it was asked for me years before. It is because back then, I never knew my purpose.

I was a fool before. With this I mean that I usually depend on myself. I never acknowledge other people’s contribution or help. I never allow them to be within my protective sphere. I always cast them out. This is because I have my own considered painful and hurtful history which made me that way.

Back then, I was a very serious person. I was very private. I was very distant. I was a loner.

But during that time, I don’t care as long as I can live for myself; as long as I was able to achieve what I wanted in my life. I believe then, that it was only I who can make myself happy. It was only I who is capable of loving and taking good care of myself.

This is because I was raised in a family wherein dependence is not an option. At an early age of six, I was taught to be independent.

During that time I was already able to do the household chores, look over at my younger siblings at school, eat on my own during recess and lunch break, dress myself, etc. These were the responsibilities and tasks that a child at my age was uncommon.

By that time, parents were still very visible feeding their sons/daughters, tending to their needs, conveying them to school and waiting for them right after the whole day class. It was such a simple gesture that a child like me back then felt so isolated.

I never felt that way. I never experienced it.

I felt that time that I was deprived of my parents’ love and attention. I felt sad and was trying to reason to myself that it is because they were busy. That is why my only option was to be forced to mature, to be forced to ignore the common things that my other classmates back then was experiencing. I thought back then, it was not for my case. 

Then, I live with that mentality for a long time until I entered high school.

However, I discovered that all those things were LIES that I made myself to believe. I was just not understanding the reasons behind it. I never understood that it was for my own sake; that it was because my parents trusted me completely with my capability to stand on my own. By that age, I was able to win their complete trust that I am responsible, reliable, independent, caring daughter and “Ate” to my siblings.

Yes, I have proven it to them. But the sad thing was, I don’t have the purest heart for those responsibilities because I just wanted to have fun like the other kids during that time.

But I have learned to live with it and accept those responsibilities and tasks whole-heartedly because GOD MADE ME THAT WAY, because HE BELIEVES that I CAN.

So, right now, I believe that my Raison D’être is to be a living testimony of the Lords glory through being a mirror of his words and his acts when He was still living with us on Earth.

Heed to the things we have heard


“Therefore we must give the more earnest heed to the things we have heard, lest we drift away.” – Hebrews 2:1


Clinging to something sometimes proves how much value it has for a person but sometimes it also proves how much a person has been stagnant about an event or another person. It makes it harder for a person to move on and forget what was. It makes it harder for him to take another step and create a new life from it.

There are times that we thought we are moving forward; experiencing new things from different time of our lives. But sometimes it is just a facade that makes us believe that we are. Even if the truth is, we are NOT. We just continue going on a circular path.

We thought we’ve seen new things but it was just the same things we saw before. We just didn’t realize since we are not paying attention. We are too full of ourselves and we neglect our environment and THE MOST IMPORTANT LESSON we need to learn.

We’ve taken for granted so many things. Live a carefree life when in fact you/we are not used to it. We tried to adapt to changes.


But the question is:









Yeah, it is indeed true that we change because it is NEEDED. 

We need it to SURVIVE and if we don’t we’ll be LEFT BEHIND, FORGOTTEN, and SOMETIMES MOCKED. We will be REJECTED!


Nobody want such cruel thing to happen in their lives. Nobody wants to experience and feel it. It is TOO PAINFUL. A person is hurt deeply. His or her heart started to crumble along with his personality.

It may implied that there is something wrong about him or her that makes him or her unsettled and uncomfortable. Sooner, it will lead to LONELINESS if not mitigated. Then, you will find yourself ALONE.

It is a sad fate that everyone can end up to. It is a sad fate for those people who are ignorant to deal with it properly.




Naked truth
How it hurts
How it pierces my heart
Inflicting little but deep wounds

How I tried to ignore the obvious
How I tried to cover it with beauty
Just to forget the pain
Just to believe a “make belief”

To listen to my truth
To believe in “my truth”
Yet make me ask
What is “your truth?”

I am in pain
Tears just fall in my eyes
Heart squeezed tightly
Asphyxiated by the pain

Balance hardly maintained
Shaken with every blows you made
Would I fall and crumble into ruins?
Left broken and discarded?

© Thy Hephzibah

Remain Unsaid


What am I really in your life?

A question that is always recurring in my mind.
Not that I do not have a complete trust with your words,
Not that I doubt the sincerity of your heart,
Not that I find you not fulfilling my needs, wants, desires.
But because I wanted to know what part of your life I am.

Am I part of a greater whole, or am I just a portion of you?
I ask because I have expectations,
I ask because I wanted to know how I should act,
I ask because I wanted to know if I am being too much,
I ask because I wanted to know until where I can cross.

I wanted to touch you as much
But refrain for the fear that you will reject me,
Would you allow me to touch you?
Would you allow me to take a hold of your soul?

Would you open to me your truest desires?
Your doubts? Your fears? Your bliss?
Would you allow me to share your world?
Would you allow me to be the partner for your life?

Questions that I kept within me;
Questions that I might not be able to utter;
Questions that would probably left unanswered;
As I kept it all inside of me.

© Thy Hephzibah 2016

You and Only You


Oh sweet love
Promises are what we have
Far-fetched as it may
Stronger is what it makes us

Thinner as it becomes
Every day of our lives
Even when we are far apart
I hope, until then, we stand firm

Every waking hour of the day
I pray for the time we will meet
From opposite poles of the earth
A day to celebrate, it will be.

A time to hold each others hand;
A time to spend a day with each other;
A time to just be lost in the conversation;
Both of us isolated in our own created world.

A time that I will be lost in your gaze;
A time that I will be absorbed in your voice;
A time that my focus will be you alone.
You alone, my love. You and only you.

© Thy Hephzibah 2016

Isang Pagtatapat


Tanggap ko na mahal ko
Hanggang dito na lang tayo
Subukin ko man na ako’y maging sa iyo
Alam kong kailan ma’y hindi ito magkakatotoo
Hindi dahil sa ako’y nag-iisip ng negatibo
Bagkus, sa pakiramdam ko’y hindi ako ang para sa iyo
Alam at ramdam ko na kahit pinaparamdam mong espesyal ako
May mga bagay na alam kong hindi ko kayang ibigay sa iyo
Madalas mahal ko, nais kong ako lamang ang gustuhin mo
Na ako ang pipiliin mo sa lahat ng mga nakilalala mo;
Na ako ang itatangi mo sa lahat ng mga kaibigan mo;
Na ako ang lang ang maging mundo mo.
Nakakatawa mang isipin ngunit ito ang laman at katotohanan ng puso ko.
Isang pangarap na sa hinaharap ay inaasam-asam ko.
Ikaw lang ang tanging nagparamdam nito.
Alam kong sa piling mo’y lalago ako.
Alam kong sa piling mo magiging totoo ako.
‘Pagkat alam kong ako’y tanggap mo nang buong-buo
Walang pag-iimbot at panloloko.
Sana nga’y ikaw na nga ang magpapatotoo
Sa mga pangarap na inaasam-asam ko.
Na sa Panginoon ay dalangin ko.
Sa bawat oras ng buhay ko.
Mahal ko, tanging hiling ko lang ay pareho tayo
Na sa mundong ito, ikaw na nga ang kahahantungan ko;
Na ang Poong Maykapal ang nagbigay sa iyo
Upang sa buhay ko’y maging kasanga at katototo
Maging katuwang sa habang buhay ko.

© Thy Hephzibah

You Now Own My Heart


I started wandering as you let me explore this world
I read and write. I ask and respond.
I feed my hungry mind with all the knowledge I can consume.
I listen to all the stories I can take a hold of; voluntarily shared to me.
I am happy.

By this freedom that you have bequeathed upon me
I know I will learn. I know I will make mistakes.
I know that I will be hurt. I know I will feel pain.
But aren’t these worth it?
For by then, I know I have gained wisdom and experience.

But each passing day, I started to feel empty still.
Despite this vast ideas, despite these varied experiences,
I am still unsatisfied. My thirst is still not quenched.
And I started reflecting why.
Then, I understand.

My life is not entirely about language; my life is not entirely about politics,
My life is not entirely about adventures; my life is not entirely about science,
My life is not entirely about a single field.
My life is not all about what’s in my mind but also what’s in my heart.
And that’s where I would discover soon enough.

My mind can go miles away, but my heart will always stay
To you I already surrender my heart, for I know you deserved it.
You earned it with every word you have said.
You earned it with every act you have shown.
You now own my heart.



Let me bask in the rays of your sunlight
Let me feel your warmth beneath my skin
Let me witness your glowing face
To behold your beauty, oh it is so divine.

Bring me into desert
Isolate me with your love
Whisper in my ears your loving voice
Caress me with your soft tingling breeze.

Bathe me at night with your moonlight
Show me the serenity of your face
Entrance me with your jewels shining above the vast sky
Talk to me with your sweet melodious voice
And dear me ecstasy is my response.

© Thy Hephzibah